“It is both a blessing and a curse to feel everything so deeply.” — David Jones
I remember where I was when I realized that I was abnormal.
I was sitting cross-legged on my bedroom floor while reading a story about a dog that lived a jovial life until it got lost and dropped its bone down a drain.
I was so distraught by this that through heaving sobs, I drew a final panel of the story and created a new ending where the dog got its bone back.
I was around 11 when this happened…
But to be fair, what kind of Nazi’s children book was this? What did anyone gain from bringing this story into the world?
I love people hard.
I have never played games or tried to act coy about how I feel because my biggest fear is to miss out on something beautiful due to vulnerability.
I would rather go down with the ship and let my lungs burn white hot with rushing water than jump off the side just because it’s easier.
For the longest time, I thought that’s how everyone should be, but in reality, we would all be screwed if people like me were rolling around everywhere.
I have spent nights curled up in a ball, throwing up over the fights and stinging words of the people I love.
On the other hand, I’ve felt my entire body radiate with joy after kissing the person I love after long periods of absence.
Gray area is not a place where I live — or even visit, for that matter. I have tried to explore the territory, chill out, become more even-keeled about people because the intensity of my emotions can be exhausting, but I’m an imposter in that world.
I will never be the girl to act cold and pretend like I don’t care.
I will never be the girl who holds onto grudges even when someone caused me pain that was debilitating.
I will never be the girl to give up on someone she loves.
But I will also never be the girl who is haunted by words unsaid and people left behind.
“Be about ten times more magnanimous than you believe yourself capable of. Your life will be a hundred times better for it.”
A Sour Patch Kid